Author Archives: Amanda

Light Candles … Pick a Playlist

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You know the scene. You’re on a date, or having drinks and conversation at the bar with a new stranger. Whatever you’re doing, it’s going well. The next thing you know it’s 2 AM and  you’re standing outside your door with this person and you find yourself saying, “Would you like to come in?” They say yes, and thank God … you really wanted to avoid that ‘look down and fumble for my keys’ move. Here’s where the night really begins. And, let’s face it, in NYC, this is considered a date.

It’s now 2:10 AM and the kissing has intensified and articles of clothing have swiftly been removed. Before things get any further, you take a break and seductively walk over to your dresser to light your favorite candles. Then, except for your cat letting out a loud ‘meow,’ you realize how silent it is. You decide to put on the “mood music.” Or maybe the candles are enough “mood” for you. But, if you turn to the music, how do you choose what to play from your iPhone and how important is the S-E-X playlist, anyways?

You can tell a lot about a person by what music they enjoy. And you can bet the music they choose to have sex to is something they’re quite fond of. So, just because you think it’s appropriate to sleep with someone while Climax is playing, if that song isn’t your thing, then forget about it. The key is to pick songs that are exciting to you. If you do your best strip tease to a Rihanna song, then put that on. If Fleetwood Mac makes you feel all sensual and tingly, then have some go-to tracks ready.

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Being prepared is never going to go against you here. The last thing you want is that Cascada song that you get ready to on Friday nights to start playing. The most important thing is to create a playlist that will highlight your personality and your tastes. And once you press play, don’t forget to keep the volume at a low level. You want the person to recognize if you play their favorite band, but you don’t want it to be a distraction. Plus, since you hopefully aren’t using extreme outdoor voices, you always want to make sure you can still be heard.

This wouldn’t be much of an article if I didn’t clue you in on my go-to playlist, now would it?! So, here you go. This below playlist includes personal favorites and a few “classics.” When I listen to it, it screams ME. And, after all, that is the purpose of this whole thing, isn’t it? Wink-Wink.

1. Aaliyah – Back & Forth
2. Smith – Baby It’s You
3. Thin Lizzy – Wild One
4. Nine Inch Nails – Closer
5. Bat For Lashes – Laura
6. Chris Isaak – Wicked Game
7. Roy Orbison – She’s A Mystery To Me
8. T.I. – Whatever You Like
9. Jude – Madonna
10. Rihanna – Cockiness (Love It)
11. The Libertines – The Good Old Days
12. Billy Idol – Catch My Fall 

For easy access, here’s my playlist on Spotify
http://open.spotify.com/user/1234060371/playlist/6d1g298yj9KmPdTR9TAulD

Insta What, Insta Who

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About a month ago, it happened. I parted ways with my Blackberry and its little keyboard and felt the joy of holding an iPhone in my hand. (Before I go on, this will not be a commercial for Apple or a hate piece for Blackberry). I walked home with my new phone like I was Queen of the world; even though I was the only person I knew who had not moved onto the iPhone or an Android device. Nevertheless, it was a big moment for me.

As soon as I started playing around with it, I downloaded the essentials. You know, Facebook, Twitter, Green Bay Packers … the app opportunities are endless. Before I could check out the exact weight of my favorite football player, my roommate insisted I get Instagram.

Another big moment for me. Finally I wouldn’t have to say, “Make sure you put that picture on Facebook so I can see it,” a thousand times every night. I now felt like I was part of this exciting world. I quickly became obsessed. For me, the obsession ended just as quickly. I still use the app, and always get a good laugh out of it, but after a week I realized what Instagram has replaced. This app has become the universal “cool table.”

You follow people, people follow you. But, instead of being based on 140 characters, it’s all based on pictures and outward appearances. Instead of putting words together to describe or share a scene, you snap a picture, upload the picture and wait for the “likes” to come in. Just like the “cool table” it’s not about walking into the building and having a conversation about the death of Hugo Chavez and other world events. It’s about being pretty … good in sports … having the best clothes. In other words, what people can see and like without any amount of deep thinking.

In this past month, I have seen some of the most generic pictures as I scroll through Instagram. For instance, Lauren Conrad (who I respect as a business woman) can put up a picture of her manicure and it receives more than 9,000 likes … within two minutes. Sure, the polish looks nice and her hands are moisturized, but it’s just a manicure. I could post the same picture and it wouldn’t have a chance of making it to the “popular” page … simply because I am not known worldwide. Might I add, the mere fact that this app has a “popular” page backs up my “cool table” theory. Bottom line is, the more people who know and like you (or want to know and like you) is what makes or breaks you with an app like this. When I post a picture of my adorable cat, I’m shocked when 13 people like it. If I was a lead actress in Les Miserables, my cat would likely have her own calendar deal in the works by now. It’s just one big “cool table.”

Now, for us so-called “normal” people who don’t win Academy and Grammy awards, Instagram is also like having an online dating profile … in a way. The amount of “selfies” (pictures you take of yourself) that appear in my feed is astronomical. Don’t get me wrong, I am not 100 percent against them … I include a few here and there, but I don’t go out of my way to grab the attention of every male and/or female in the tri-state area. There’s no need to put up a picture of yourself in such a tight dress that you’re holding your breath as you snap the photo. Sure, it’s an easy way to become noticed and get people to “double click” on your post, but do you really need more validation of your looks? Especially in this way?

I’ve also noticed a whole lot of people liking posts simply because they want to date or sleep with the creator of the post. It’s as if people are speaking through Instagram and saying, “Hey, look at me, I liked your picture of the hat you bought today … And the one where you tried it on in the store … And the dinner you got at the Japanese place next to the bar you work at” … etc. Then you think to yourself, I hope Johnny noticed the picture of me in that tight dress, especially since I had to hold my breath for 32 seconds to get it just right. Instagram has become a way for people to show their interest in one another, yet appear less forward than coming out and saying “Hey, I like you, let’s grab drinks.” Personally, I think being honest and forward is a lot less annoying and desperate than using an app to express your feelings and desires.

So, Instagram away. Just make sure to keep it a classy representation of yourself. Be intellectual about it, and don’t post for a seat at the “cool table.” Trust me; you know when you’re doing it. Show interest in something because of what it is, not who is behind it. And, for the love of God, if you’re into someone – do something about it. Don’t just like their every post and leave occasional comments. If you want to use the internet for dating and hook up purposes, join OkCupid and have at it.

I’m going to go post a picture of my cat now. You can find me at abeckstagram. I’m always breathing in my selfies.

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Long Lost Person

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I find this happens a lot … especially when it comes to “romantic” relationships. Guy-Girl (guy-guy/girl-girl) hang out. Everything seems to be cool (shall I utter, ‘a good time was had by all’). And then you part ways. No real good bye or “this isn’t going to work out for me.” Just gone. Poof. It’s almost as if the time you spent with this person never existed.

And then one day it happens. You’re doing your nails and your text tone scares you so much that you paint halfway to your knuckle. Great, already you’re annoyed. When the damn things are dry enough, you check your phone and realize it’s not Grub Hub telling you your order has been received.

Instead, you find yourself saying, “OK, you again?!” I may have told you to lose my number until Christmas, or maybe I just hurried home after that one time we hung out, regardless of what went down, I have not heard from you in more than four months, so why now?

Although initially the message, call, or text may be confusing, after digesting it for a few minutes, there are really only a few reasons for the reach out.

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Quite frankly, this person wants to sleep with you. They are likely sitting at the bar, on their third beer, right when you pop into their head. They realize they had fun with you and they have no clue why nothing actually came of it. Or maybe they got out of a relationship five weeks ago and just really want some company. No matter what the situation, they find you attractive and are fishing to see you. It really is that simple. A man is not going to text you to hear about your cat’s weight gain or about the flood damage you sustained from Hurricane Sandy.

The whole bit about wanting to sleep with you is most certainly true if you never had anything serious with this person. Maybe you only got together a few times, or maybe it was a casual (but short) situation from the beginning. Either way, they are checking in to see if there is a chance.

It could also be because this person truly loved you. In fact, they probably still do. You two may have parted ways because it was a case of bad timing. Or maybe you just needed to work on yourself without being in a relationship. Bottom line is, they miss you. They have realized they don’t like not having you in their life. They are taking a risk and trying to open the doors that have been closed for some time. This situation can be hard, because it’s more likely to involve a large sum of feelings. This might require a little bit more thinking before you tell the person you’ll meet them Thursday night for happy hour.

It only takes a few minutes to know in your heart which reason is behind this “out of the blue” communication. Neither reason is wrong or bad. But your actions to either reason will depend on what you want in your life at this moment. Whatever that is, go with it. Understand that it takes courage for someone to reach out to you, especially when you haven’t had contact in months. Be flattered that someone thought of you and acted on it, because sadly, it doesn’t happen enough these days. When someone sets aside their pride for you, don’t take it lightly. It does’t mean you must spend time with them and get to know every detail of their childhood camp days. Just respond, acknowledge them. Because they’ve put it out there and acknowledged you.

I mean, after all, they do want to sleep with you.

Fake Roses

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Last night, in my hometown, my mom went to the store to get a few necessities. She told me she had to go around the snack aisle to get to the cereal aisle because so many men were in line buying flowers. I attribute this to Valentine’s Day or a city full of really amazing dudes. Either way, I told her that I didn’t see one man (or woman) on the trains or sidewalks with flowers for his/her sweetheart.

Just as I was once again losing faith in NYC and love, I saw two men carrying roses in the subway this morning. I couldn’t help but smile. A little bit of faith has been restored. 37

So, it doesn’t matter if you’re married, in a six-year relationship, single, or going on a third date tonight. Love yourself and the positive people in your life who leave you feeling happy.

And don’t worry if you didn’t get flowers today. Yes, they are beautiful and it’s the thought that counts (blah blah blah), but eventually they will die. Now my father had the right idea. Every year, he would give me a little heart-shaped box of chocolates and a couple of fake roses. One year I asked him why he didn’t give me real flowers. He said, “Because these make more sense. They will last forever … like my love for you. Also, they were on sale at Target.”

I gotta say, I am pretty sure I still have some of those roses in my old closet at my mom’s house.

Just make today another amazing day.

 

Writer’s Note: In no way am I encouraging men to buy that special someone fake flowers. Unless he can do it in a charming and humorous way … just like my father did.

We’re Not Barbie

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Little girls all around the world have images of the perfect wedding in their heads. They have their Barbie and Ken dolls and a pink Corvette. The puffy wedding dress is magnificent. It’s just what she wants to wear on her special day when she’s 23 (because that sounds like a great year to get married)! All of Barbie’s little friends have the perfect hair and clothes, and they always get along with each other.

You see, at a very young age, we put ideals into our heads. We must have the perfect wedding. We can’t be pushing 30 and be unsettled and still searching for the perfect career. We must have friends who are just like us. As we grow older, our parents, teachers and society in a whole, feed us information about what we should become when we grow up. This can be very dangerous and in many ways can limit our progress. How far can we really get in life if we’re too busy trying to live up to an ideal?

76Before graduating from high school, I had my whole life planned out. I was going to go to college and study journalism. Well, that I did. And, at the school that I always wanted to attend. I was going to meet the man of my dreams, so I’d have to wear my heels everyday to class. It didn’t matter that I had to walk up the infamous Bascom Hill, my heels made me feel powerful and all “Why, hello there.” In reality, I cared more about my 4.0 GPA and reporting for the school newspaper. By senior year, I was wearing sweatpants and my Nikes to class.

On graduation day, I had my friends, my GPA and a journalism degree. Pretty damn good, but I still felt disappointed in myself. I think it was because of a conversation I had with one of my best friend’s mother. Her daughter met a wonderful man in chemistry class. One day during lunch, her mother told me she was so happy her daughter had a boyfriend. I asked her why that was so important. After all, isn’t college about an education and doing too many keg stands? She said, “Amanda, college isn’t just about an education … it’s also about finding a husband.”

I remember sitting there, dumbfounded. But for some reason, that sentence instilled an enormous amount of fear in me. And at the end of my college career, I had a diploma in my hand, but no ring on my finger. I remember thinking, “Great … should I just give up now?”

Flash forward years later, to the present moment. I still have my education and it has helped me land amazing jobs, including my current position in PR in New York City. However, I haven’t picked out my perfect wedding dress yet. For years I have struggled with the fact that my life has not turned out the way I planned it to when I was seven. And then one day I realized that it is turning out the way it’s supposed to. You can’t let your ideals control who you become in life. Let your life create it’s own ideals.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to find a husband or the perfect friends. Love the people who have come into your life and treat you well. You will come to have a strong circle of people who lift you up, and eventually you’ll find the man who will agree to spend his life with you (even though you’re crazy about your shampoo being moved in the shower). Find passion in your work each and every day, regardless of whether or not it’s your dream job. Do what makes you happy and stray away from hurting others. Your ideals will change with time and they are exclusively for you.

We’re not Barbie. We all know that with her measurements, the little lady wouldn’t even menstruate. That’s messed up.

Keep the Date

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In New York City, every night of the week could be “date night,” it’s not just a Friday/Saturday kind of thing. But, by chance you do have a date lined up for this chilly weekend, just do one thing for me. Go.

I understand, first dates can be dreadful. They can stir up all sorts of emotions … excitement, apprehension, nervousness, the list goes on. But, they are a way of life. I’m sure your cat is great, but do you want to spend the rest of your life alone with just your cat sleeping at the end of your bed? I didn’t think so.

To avoid the whole “ending up alone” fiasco, you give in to dating. And now that you’re a grown adult, going to the junior spring fling doesn’t count anymore.

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In the two (almost three) years I’ve been in this city, I’ve seen one thing continually happen to my girlfriends (myself included). The guy reaches out to you via some form of communication. You get the Facebook message from him and you stare at it for a good three minutes. First of all, because it’s a Facebook message, and secondly, because the message came out of no where. You’re now a little intrigued. It’s that simple. That’s how the conversation starts. It’s just considered a nice friendly convo, until a phone number is given. That bumps it up to the “let’s get together sometime” category. If they just wanted someone to send Van Halen music videos to, then just being a FB chat buddy would have sufficed.

There you go, numbers were exchanged. Next, someone steps up and makes a date. Now, whoever does the asking, make sure you actually want to sit next to this person while you drink two Budweisers. If that doesn’t seem appealing to you, then don’t ask. And if you’re the person agreeing to said date, make sure you want to go above Union Square for this person before you commit to Wednesday at 7 pm.

To the men, first dates can be horrific enough without someone cancelling the day of. By then a woman has already planned her outfit, her subtle make up look and the perfect necklace to accentuate her neck line. You might as well go. Plus, you committed to it. It’s not a marriage, just a date. Geez.

And ladies, don’t be cancelers either! Maybe he gave up plans to watch the NY Rangers game with the guys. I’m sure he doesn’t want to show up to the game and mumble some lame excuse as to why he’s not out with “the hot girl” he’s been talking about for three days.

Dating … it comes down to not agreeing to something in the first place if your heart (or body – what?) isn’t into it. However, I am a reasonable and sane individual, so I understand that situations arise and not every plan you make can be kept. If you’ve spent the last eight hours sick in the bathroom, by all means, lets not get together at the Mexican joint a few blocks from my apartment. Just don’t agree to re-scheduling if you never plan on actually doing it. It’s the right thing to do.

Disappointment is easier to swallow when it comes with honesty, rather than plans that never come to fruition.

Keep the date. And smile like you did in all those spring fling pictures.

Life is More than a Game of Candy Land

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Growing up, my sister and I always played Candy Land with our father. One time, when my dad and sister were laughing about something and not paying attention to me, I nudged my red playing piece ahead one space. I smirked. At the end of the game, my sister won and I realized moving my piece didn’t even help me win. Plus, I felt horrible about it. From then on, I was an honest player on the board game front.

Then I grew up and decided it’s best to play fair and honest in life. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about dishonesty in relationships. Why does it happen? Does it even bother people? When did we give up on real and respectful relationships?

If you love someone, be with them … only them. One person.

If you want to experience and sleep with multiple people, then do. But don’t commit to anyone.

You can sit back and tell me it’s not wrong to lie and cheat, but deep down you know it is. It’s hurtful and cruel. Please stop making exuses for it. Ladies, if a man wants to be with you (and only you), he will. If he’s repeatedly lying and cheating behind your back (or straight up to your face) he’s simply not in love with you. No matter what amount of sweet talk he throws at you.

Cheating wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people in this world who allowed themselves to be a part of it. Respect yourself. Respect others.72

I understand that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. But, learn from them … don’t keep repeating them.

If you feel that the best things in life are wrong or bad for you, I have to wonder … Do you really believe that? Or, is it something people tell themselves in an attempt to justify their actions?

I mean, this isn’t like that time when Dunkin’ Donuts under-charged you by a dollar for your peppermint mocha … and you said nothing. Lying and cheating in relationships involves people and their hearts. And, after it’s all said and done, is it really making you truly happy?

It’s time to stop moving game pieces around like it’s nothing. We aren’t seven anymore, and this isn’t just Candy Land.

Monday Musings: Look Both Ways

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When crossing a one-way street, you may feel the urge to ignore the “look both ways before crossing” rule. But, then again, there are a lot of idiots out there who drive in the wrong direction. Better to look both ways than to risk colliding with them.

Take the time to slow down in life, and never ignore what’s right and best for you.

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Embrace the Day

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Well, happy holidays. And, the best thing you can do is be yourself. Not the person you think you should be, the person society expects you to be or the person you’ve been told to be.

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Because deep down, the holidays should not be about presents, food and stress. If everyone would just get together with the ones they love in a judgement-free environment, more people might actually enjoy this time of year.

In the new year, I hope to witness people living ‘their’ life … and letting others live theirs. Never forget, what works for you may not work for the people around you. Life would be beyond boring if we all followed the same path. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and no one is better than anyone else.

For this Christmas, I want everyone to love their true selves. Embrace the day.

The 10 Best Reasons to be Single During the Holidays

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1. You don’t have to choose a family to spend Christmas with. It’s simple … yours. At least Mom makes the best stuffing, right?!

2. You get to spoil yourself, and not feel guilty about it. I mean, someone has to get you the over-priced pair of shoes you need.

3. You don’t have to split up a shopping trip between Bath and Body Works and Best Buy.  You can spend two hours sniffing candles and finding the perfect body scrub with no rushing.

4. You understand that every kiss does not begin with Kay. It likely starts with vodka … at that holiday party you told yourself you weren’t going to get out of control at again this year.

5. When family gathers, you can show everyone pictures of your cat. What, the little fur ball is your family. Just because it’s not a sig other or a child, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t get some bragging rights.

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6. You can skip all the “All I Want for Christmas is You” songs and only listen to “Little Drummer Boy” over and over agin. Best. Song. Ever.

7. You can kiss whomever you damn well please under the mistletoe.

8. Ladies, you don’t have to worry about someone buying you one of those Mrs. Claus lingerie pieces sold at every department store. And men, you don’t have to worry about buying one.

9. Those couples who hold hands while ice-skating and then drink hot chocolate together. Well, you don’t have to worry about being one of ‘those’ couples. OK, it’s kind of cute … so maybe next year.

10. It has been 70 degrees in New York City. In December. The world could be coming to an end. So be thankful for the amazing people in your life who you get to spend the 2012 holiday season with.